The Reason You Are the Cause of Toxic Relationships

The Reason You Are the Cause of Toxic Relationships – In a relationship, there will definitely be a feeling of boredom or tiredness with everything. But we can’t just focus on that. There will be many things that can make a relationship more meaningful when you are together. Maybe when you just broke up, you often blame your ex and feel that he made your relationship toxic. You feel your ex is immature, rude, arrogant, and doesn’t want to compromise. And that’s why you two ended up breaking up. These are the characteristics if you are the cause of the relationship to be toxic.

The Reason You Are the Cause of Toxic Relationships

1. Over-behaved

We all sometimes over-analyze our partners, but for a toxic relationship you may be doing it to an unhealthy level. Not only do you guess too much about what he’s doing, but sometimes you’re just too obsessed with what he’s doing.
Every little thing and however insignificant he may do, it is something you should describe, read and ask him about. It was crazy, but at the time, you couldn’t see how crazy it was.

2. Expectations Are Too High

Not because your expectations are high because he can’t do anything. You have a detailed list of the type of boyfriend you want. Then you feel that your ex doesn’t have the quality standards you put on that list. So at your own decision, try to shape it according to what you want. You’re the kind of person who throws away half of your boyfriend’s wardrobe because you don’t like his clothes.

3. Jealousy

Maybe he has a lot of girl friends and you hate that fact. You don’t want him to hang out with his girl friends and you want him to hang out with his boy friends enough. You can express the discomfort by yelling and forbidding him to hang out with girls.

Also Read : Types of Communication That Can Make Relationships Toxic

4. Don’t Trust Your Partner

You don’t believe him. You think people cheat all the time, even in good relationships, so you’re afraid it will happen to you. You don’t want to be someone walking around with his girlfriend who has other women out there. So you often ask him about everything like where he goes, who he goes with, and why he prefers hanging out with friends over you. Very annoying.

5. Don’t want to be wrong

He is the one who is always wrong and you are not. You feel like he can’t do things right. But when you break up and look back, you realize that you actually had a lot of faults too.…

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Is Leaving the Right Choice in Toxic Relationships

Is Leaving the Right Choice in Toxic Relationships – In general, everyone would want a relationship that is intertwined to make each other happy and make us grow for the better. However, if the relationship actually makes us constantly hurt, disappointed, and worthless, how so? This is referred to as an unhealthy relationship or better known as a toxic relationship. Literally, a toxic relationship is defined as a toxic relationship.

Relationships that make us feel drained, uncomfortable, and even make us constantly question our worth. Although toxic relationships can also be applied to relationships with friends and parents, in fact this term is most often used in establishing romantic relationships with a partner.

When we already have a secure attachment and are able to accept and love ourselves fully, we tend to build healthy relationships with our partners. However, when we have an insecure attachment and are not even able to love ourselves, it is of course very risky for us to enter into an unhealthy relationship. Before we move on to solutions, we need to know first what are the real signs or red flags that we are in a toxic relationship?

1. Isolation
Healthy relationships keep us connected but also free to do what we love. But unfortunately, this does not happen in a toxic relationship.

Your partner will greatly limit your relationship with the outside world, be it time with friends, parents, friends, community, and so on. Couples who are very demanding finally make the majority of our time only spent with partners. Even the saddest thing is that there is no time to please ourselves.

2. Never ending drama
In a relationship, there will always be fights. But what needs to be underlined is how we can communicate this with our partner until a win-win situation is reached.

One of the red flags of a toxic relationship is where the argument lasts for a very long time, the partner exaggerates the problem, and threatens if we don’t obey the partner’s wishes. For example: “I’d rather die if you ask me to break up”

3. Lack of trust
Mutual trust is a key in a relationship. Lack of trust in your partner will make your partner possessive, such as: asking for all social media passwords, calling once an hour to find out where your partner is and with whom, stalking, and even tapping your partner’s cell phone are certainly not a sign of a healthy relationship.

4. Constant judgment

Healthy relationship make us feel good about ourselves. But, how does it feel if you are constantly commented on, both in terms of appearance, how to dress, intellectually, education, work, even weight?

For example: “Ouch, you’re really fat. Luckily I want to be with you. I don’t think anyone else would accept you like this” or “You’re so stupid these days I don’t understand, I’m ashamed”. In addition to making us uncomfortable, it of course destroys our self-esteem and we begin to question our own worth.

Also Read : Self Healing from Toxic Relationship

5. Continues disrespect

Mutual respect will certainly make each other feel accepted and loved, but what happens if what we do feels like it’s never enough in the eyes of a partner?

For example: when we give a gift to a partner, a partner throws the gift in front of us, or when we go to the house of a partner who is out of town, the partner does not accept us into his house and tells us to go home right away.

6. Abusive

Violence in this case will take many forms, ranging from: (a) physical violence such as grabbing, slapping, scratching, and so on; (b) sexual violence such as forcing touching or even having sexual intercourse without consent; (c) financial violence such as not allowing partners to work, using partner’s money for impulsive buying, and so on; and (d) emotional/verbal violence, such as cursing, using silent treatment, gaslighting, ghosting, and so on.

After we know about the red flags, then what? Is breaking up the only way out of this unhealthy relationship?

The easy answer is, no as long as we and our partner are both committed to the process and grow to be even better. It takes two to tango. When only one person tries, in the end only that person gets hurt. However, when we both realize that something is wrong in this relationship and try to fix it, it will be worth it. How do you do it?

  • Understand that at the moment we are not okay. Give yourself time to do self-care and do things you enjoy. Realize that we are precious and whole, with or without him.
  • If you really feel that your partner is worth fighting for, you can start to make a list of each other’s behavior that makes you and your partner feel uncomfortable and even hurt.
  • Listen empathetically and don’t interrupt when someone is talking
  • When you are too overwhelmed, give yourself a break to do activities together that you enjoy, for example: watching movies together to increase bonding with your partner
  • When finished, you can make an action plan together and remind each other when the red flags are still repeated
  • (Optional) You can also do counseling with your partner to a psychologist if it is needed, you know.


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