Is Leaving the Right Choice in Toxic Relationships – In general, everyone would want a relationship that is intertwined to make each other happy and make us grow for the better. However, if the relationship actually makes us constantly hurt, disappointed, and worthless, how so? This is referred to as an unhealthy relationship or better known as a toxic relationship. Literally, a toxic relationship is defined as a toxic relationship.
Relationships that make us feel drained, uncomfortable, and even make us constantly question our worth. Although toxic relationships can also be applied to relationships with friends and parents, in fact this term is most often used in establishing romantic relationships with a partner.
When we already have a secure attachment and are able to accept and love ourselves fully, we tend to build healthy relationships with our partners. However, when we have an insecure attachment and are not even able to love ourselves, it is of course very risky for us to enter into an unhealthy relationship. Before we move on to solutions, we need to know first what are the real signs or red flags that we are in a toxic relationship?
Healthy relationships keep us connected but also free to do what we love. But unfortunately, this does not happen in a toxic relationship.
Your partner will greatly limit your relationship with the outside world, be it time with friends, parents, friends, community, and so on. Couples who are very demanding finally make the majority of our time only spent with partners. Even the saddest thing is that there is no time to please ourselves.
2. Never ending drama
In a relationship, there will always be fights. But what needs to be underlined is how we can communicate this with our partner until a win-win situation is reached.
One of the red flags of a toxic relationship is where the argument lasts for a very long time, the partner exaggerates the problem, and threatens if we don’t obey the partner’s wishes. For example: “I’d rather die if you ask me to break up”
3. Lack of trust
Mutual trust is a key in a relationship. Lack of trust in your partner will make your partner possessive, such as: asking for all social media passwords, calling once an hour to find out where your partner is and with whom, stalking, and even tapping your partner’s cell phone are certainly not a sign of a healthy relationship.
4. Constant judgment
Healthy relationship make us feel good about ourselves. But, how does it feel if you are constantly commented on, both in terms of appearance, how to dress, intellectually, education, work, even weight?
For example: “Ouch, you’re really fat. Luckily I want to be with you. I don’t think anyone else would accept you like this” or “You’re so stupid these days I don’t understand, I’m ashamed”. In addition to making us uncomfortable, it of course destroys our self-esteem and we begin to question our own worth.
Also Read : Self Healing from Toxic Relationship
5. Continues disrespect
Mutual respect will certainly make each other feel accepted and loved, but what happens if what we do feels like it’s never enough in the eyes of a partner?
For example: when we give a gift to a partner, a partner throws the gift in front of us, or when we go to the house of a partner who is out of town, the partner does not accept us into his house and tells us to go home right away.
Violence in this case will take many forms, ranging from: (a) physical violence such as grabbing, slapping, scratching, and so on; (b) sexual violence such as forcing touching or even having sexual intercourse without consent; (c) financial violence such as not allowing partners to work, using partner’s money for impulsive buying, and so on; and (d) emotional/verbal violence, such as cursing, using silent treatment, gaslighting, ghosting, and so on.
After we know about the red flags, then what? Is breaking up the only way out of this unhealthy relationship?
The easy answer is, no as long as we and our partner are both committed to the process and grow to be even better. It takes two to tango. When only one person tries, in the end only that person gets hurt. However, when we both realize that something is wrong in this relationship and try to fix it, it will be worth it. How do you do it?
- Understand that at the moment we are not okay. Give yourself time to do self-care and do things you enjoy. Realize that we are precious and whole, with or without him.
- If you really feel that your partner is worth fighting for, you can start to make a list of each other’s behavior that makes you and your partner feel uncomfortable and even hurt.
- Listen empathetically and don’t interrupt when someone is talking
- When you are too overwhelmed, give yourself a break to do activities together that you enjoy, for example: watching movies together to increase bonding with your partner
- When finished, you can make an action plan together and remind each other when the red flags are still repeated
- (Optional) You can also do counseling with your partner to a psychologist if it is needed, you know.